A Thing

Last night, I was angry at a man who gets to be happy - who gets to get away with sin while I have to bear its pain. Sin-repentance: the thought gets to me, I'll admit. But what value has a confession of sin to god, if that sin was against another person? Should not, rather, the victim of that wrong be either paid back for what he or she has lost, or at least given some measure of closure or help toward emotional contentment (and of course, if the victim was the self, equivalent amendment be made)? I don't understand what right is done when sin is confessed not to its victim but to an unseen, unknown entity in the sky. Is anything made right? Certainly not on earth - or, if sin was committed against a person of another faith, perhaps not ever...

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Regarding a broader yet more immediately relevant issue, what of doubt? What a power it is to possess a mind full of doubt, for it prompts such glorious and pointed questions. Among them, "How then should we live?"; "Why ought we have faith?"; "In what, precisely, can we believe - and in that, to what degree of certainty?" "Can ANYthing be relied upon with complete certainty?" - It is common to quickly respond, at least among my closest Evangelical Christian friends, "Yes; the LORD God can be relied upon fully." But how so for one with no experience upon which to base such profound trust?

For a Christian, perhaps experience is such that it leads to a greater certainty. But for one of another or no particular brand of faith, is the experience of others enough to sway a decision so seemingly foundational to one's life? Has it gone that way with many who call themselves Christians? Are those who practice but do not "experience" the faith even in existence?

I want to speak with one who has chosen such a life so that I may gain the knowledge of precisely what led her or him to that particular intellectual standpoint, because I simply cannot conceive it, at this juncture. Can Christianity, then, be a matter either of the head or of the heart, rather than one or the other or necessarily both?